Please be aware of trigger warnings and sexual content.
….Before being placed with my biological mother my dad had me hopping around the house to house. I lived with my then best friend for a while I rode the bus to school with her, I got off the bus with her, I ate supper with her family I was a part of the family. I just wanted my now mom I asked my dad to go back home he always told me “this is home.” Was home a car? because I was in a new place every week, what is home? He tried to get me to live with my aunt but for some reason that didn’t work. I lived with his friends, I remember their walls being filled up with hot wheel cars their son and I shared the same room I slept on a cot. The only thing I liked about being in that house was I had a full lunch box every day. Their son was a lot younger than me, he told everyone I was his sister. He would give me his jello because he didn’t like orange but, I was getting as much as I could.
My dad had an affair multiple times, this one lady particularly wanted to be my “mother” she bought us (or stole) matching necklaces that said mom and daughter with a butterfly on it. She told me she would always be here for me she called me beautiful and the only thing I could think of was she is not my mother. I got out the truck at school and I ran inside to my best friend. That day.. was the worse beginning of a horrible life. I got called to the office and so did my little sister. I remember there being a angry cop, a CPS worker, and my principal. They let me and my sister go in a room to talk I don’t remember what the talk was about but I remember us crying. When I walked out I seen my now mother rushing to the door trying to get to us. But it was too late, they had placed me with my biological mother. Now I had to move schools make new friends and fit in. I was enrolled in Tylertown Upper Elementary.
I never really learned anything about sex I was unaware of it. I was only twelve years old something a twelve year old should know yet. But I didn’t know about saving yourself for someone you believe loves u and will be with you forever and until marriage. I was one of those savors. Things didn’t exactly go the way I wanted them to go.
I don’t remember much of anything but leading up to when I was 12 years old. I was being sexually abused by my biological mother. She was addicted to pills. she was a single mother of 6 kids with a boyfriend (the first one) in the house. I remember him beating me with a belt that had those spikes on them I was laying on the ground while he was standing over me just hitting me. I don’t remember what I did and it gets me everyday. That was the first and last time he ever hit me.
(The first) My biological mother woke me up really early in the morning. I was use to it because she cleaned houses for a living so every now and then she would get me to help (without pay). She didn’t say much in the ride over there, She made me get out first. I seen this tall man standing at the front door. My biological mother didn’t have her phone in her hand which was very unusual so I knew she wasn’t staying. As she made me walk to the porch she told me to go inside and he showed me where the couch was. I remember the smell of lavender Fabuloso, his house was really clean. Which made me think what were we here to clean? As I heard the murmuring conversation going on outside, I observed the pictures on the walls. He had a daughter and a wife or girlfriend. My mom walked inside and she told me we were going to clean the daughters room. It was very pink and white, she had a furry rug with little Barbie’s everywhere. My Biological mom asked me to stay in this room while she went to grab something from the truck. She never came back, instead this man came in. He asked me the normal questions like what’s your name, what grade are you in etc. He softly sat down on the bed and he grabbed my thigh and I pushed his hand away. I tried to get up to get to the door but before I could he had already thrown me. I was crying and trying to scream for my mom but he had his hand over my mouth. At that moment I knew what type of betrayal my mother did to me. She left me there with this man. I didn’t have a lot of strength to get force him off of me. Then the penetration began, I was a virgin so it was very painful I didn’t know what was going on I didn’t know if I was going to die I had no clue what was going to happen. It didn’t last very long. This man was very gentle but I was still scared. He got off of me and all I can remember was blood streaming down my leg. I was so scared because I didn’t know what was going on I didn’t know why I was bleeding. He got up and I was trying make a run out the door but he blocked it off. my hands had blood all over them. I was trying to figure out what just happened, but my thoughts were so blurred from all the crying I was doing. He grabbed my arm tightly and walked me to the bathroom and handed me a pad, I observed his bathroom it was very dirty with hair everywhere in the sink as if he had shaved. The bathroom had a bad odor. I tried to not breathe at all while I was in there to avoid the smell. I grabbed a few pieces of toilet paper and I was trying to wet it but the water in the sink wasn’t working so I wiped my legs the best I could. As I opened the door the man was still standing there waiting and my mom walked in I seen some money in her hand and she handed it to him. My mom grabbed me and she walked me out the door she went back in. I ran to the truck so fast and I got into the back seat. I sat there for a very long time. I cried I screamed I get so disgusted, I didn’t know anything about sex but I knew that, that wasn’t right. This man hurt me. My mom walked to the truck, she got in and yelled at me to shut the f*** up. I had to suffer trying to make myself stop crying before she hit me. She yelled at me to get in the front seat and I did. She stared at me like I was just the ugliest person alive, I felt so horrible that my mother paid some stranger to take something so important away from me.
There are 2 more incidents but, that will be continued…