The Start of a Horror

Please be aware of trigger warnings and sexual content.

….Before being placed with my biological mother my dad had me hopping around the house to house. I lived with my then best friend for a while I rode the bus to school with her, I got off the bus with her, I ate supper with her family I was a part of the family. I just wanted my now mom I asked my dad to go back home he always told me “this is home.” Was home a car? because I was in a new place every week, what is home? He tried to get me to live with my aunt but for some reason that didn’t work. I lived with his friends, I remember their walls being filled up with hot wheel cars their son and I shared the same room I slept on a cot. The only thing I liked about being in that house was I had a full lunch box every day. Their son was a lot younger than me, he told everyone I was his sister. He would give me his jello because he didn’t like orange but, I was getting as much as I could.

My dad had an affair multiple times, this one lady particularly wanted to be my “mother” she bought us (or stole) matching necklaces that said mom and daughter with a butterfly on it. She told me she would always be here for me she called me beautiful and the only thing I could think of was she is not my mother. I got out the truck at school and I ran inside to my best friend. That day.. was the worse beginning of a horrible life. I got called to the office and so did my little sister. I remember there being a angry cop, a CPS worker, and my principal. They let me and my sister go in a room to talk I don’t remember what the talk was about but I remember us crying. When I walked out I seen my now mother rushing to the door trying to get to us. But it was too late, they had placed me with my biological mother. Now I had to move schools make new friends and fit in. I was enrolled in Tylertown Upper Elementary.

I never really learned anything about sex I was unaware of it. I was only twelve years old something a twelve year old should know yet. But I didn’t know about saving yourself for someone you believe loves u and will be with you forever and until marriage. I was one of those savors. Things didn’t exactly go the way I wanted them to go.

I don’t remember much of anything but leading up to when I was 12 years old. I was being sexually abused by my biological mother. She was addicted to pills. she was a single mother of 6 kids with a boyfriend (the first one) in the house. I remember him beating me with a belt that had those spikes on them I was laying on the ground while he was standing over me just hitting me. I don’t remember what I did and it gets me everyday. That was the first and last time he ever hit me.

(The first) My biological mother woke me up really early in the morning. I was use to it because she cleaned houses for a living so every now and then she would get me to help (without pay). She didn’t say much in the ride over there, She made me get out first. I seen this tall man standing at the front door. My biological mother didn’t have her phone in her hand which was very unusual so I knew she wasn’t staying. As she made me walk to the porch she told me to go inside and he showed me where the couch was. I remember the smell of lavender Fabuloso, his house was really clean. Which made me think what were we here to clean? As I heard the murmuring conversation going on outside, I observed the pictures on the walls. He had a daughter and a wife or girlfriend. My mom walked inside and she told me we were going to clean the daughters room. It was very pink and white, she had a furry rug with little Barbie’s everywhere. My Biological mom asked me to stay in this room while she went to grab something from the truck. She never came back, instead this man came in. He asked me the normal questions like what’s your name, what grade are you in etc. He softly sat down on the bed and he grabbed my thigh and I pushed his hand away. I tried to get up to get to the door but before I could he had already thrown me. I was crying and trying to scream for my mom but he had his hand over my mouth. At that moment I knew what type of betrayal my mother did to me. She left me there with this man. I didn’t have a lot of strength to get force him off of me. Then the penetration began, I was a virgin so it was very painful I didn’t know what was going on I didn’t know if I was going to die I had no clue what was going to happen. It didn’t last very long. This man was very gentle but I was still scared. He got off of me and all I can remember was blood streaming down my leg. I was so scared because I didn’t know what was going on I didn’t know why I was bleeding. He got up and I was trying make a run out the door but he blocked it off. my hands had blood all over them. I was trying to figure out what just happened, but my thoughts were so blurred from all the crying I was doing. He grabbed my arm tightly and walked me to the bathroom and handed me a pad, I observed his bathroom it was very dirty with hair everywhere in the sink as if he had shaved. The bathroom had a bad odor. I tried to not breathe at all while I was in there to avoid the smell. I grabbed a few pieces of toilet paper and I was trying to wet it but the water in the sink wasn’t working so I wiped my legs the best I could. As I opened the door the man was still standing there waiting and my mom walked in I seen some money in her hand and she handed it to him. My mom grabbed me and she walked me out the door she went back in. I ran to the truck so fast and I got into the back seat. I sat there for a very long time. I cried I screamed I get so disgusted, I didn’t know anything about sex but I knew that, that wasn’t right. This man hurt me. My mom walked to the truck, she got in and yelled at me to shut the f*** up. I had to suffer trying to make myself stop crying before she hit me. She yelled at me to get in the front seat and I did. She stared at me like I was just the ugliest person alive, I felt so horrible that my mother paid some stranger to take something so important away from me.

There are 2 more incidents but, that will be continued…

Before,

*infant- toddler

P.S.A.

I will not be mentioning any names in any of this, for safety reasons! Throughout the blog I will mention who I’m talking about as in their figure. Some things may be many different story’s but these are the story’s I have been told. If they are wrong in any way I’m sorry. (There is always multiple story’s from other people.) These story’s are what I have lived by. Grammar will not be proper , you will understand it I’m only human! Nothing is intended to be racial or political.

As a baby, I was cared for by the wrong man. He bought all the things a baby needs. He was prepared to be “my father”, but he wasn’t. (The dna test turned out you are not the father!! – Steve Wilkos.) I was born and I was “too dark”, (from his mouth) to be my biological fathers daughter. The man who had prepared to be my father was a black man, he is the father of my other three younger siblings. My father is white, so therefore I was “too dark to be his”. He wanted nothing to do with me but weeks after I started toning naturally. Weeks after he finally met me, he wanted everything to do with me.

My biological mom tried to give me up and my dad and now mother fought for me. They went through visitation and long hour drives to get me they were committed to fighting for me. Finally, my dad gets me. I remember starting head start I remember the smell I remember running my fingers across the cubby’s with all my classmates names on them. At this time, I was at Topeka- Tilton Attendance Center. I remember my cousin crying untill she could get placed into my class . She got her way and we could not be separated. I graduated from head start.

I started kindergarten, let’s just say I was a kid with behavioral issues. I got paddled a lot, put on the wall at recess, red and black lights and I had lack of attention for school, due to Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder. I failed to learn be quite and concentrate I never took any medication it was controlled by my diet. Kindergarten I believe I gained my first bestfriend. (I will include pictures but no names.)

This was us a little older than we were in kindergarten. My then Bestfriend was the one in the middle I’m the one on the left. The one on the right was also my bestfriend as a trio at one point. (I do have permission to post these individuals in the photo.)

Second grade and up is very much a blur and kind of all over the place in my timeline. In all my childhood was very great I had a happy family, I was a athletic kid, I cheered and played basketball. I struggled in school, I struggled to get along with other kids sometimes. My bestfriend and I at the time became a trio. We had a tight bond with a great friendship. Until I got ripped from my home spectated from my parents, and my life shattered into so many pieces.

My dad got addicted to drugs. He went from a well paid rig worker, best dad ever, handy man family man, to a demon. I remember having to act like I never heard my now mother and my father fighting. I was always the only one out of my other 3 siblings (I don’t think I mentioned I have 7 siblings.) that knew what was going on. I remember my aunt telling me he was fighting his demons when I asked what was wrong with my dad. But I knew, I knew. I got placed in the home with my biological mother at ten years old. I had five siblings in that home. We all shared the same mom had different dads except three of them.

When it started the horror of a 12 year old. To be Continued…

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